Riff ov the Week: The SLAM Edition



Last week was an all-out war to determine the greatest riff ever crafted in honor of the big red guy, Satan. Everyone’s favorite half-elf, Link, took home the trophy thanks to his riff submission of low hanging fruit Bathory. Congratulations, Link. I’m not at all bitter that I came in second place.

Next week, I want to hear your best guitarmony riffs. That’s right. Two guitars. Harmonizing. Making beautiful love together, rocking you with a twin-axe attack. It’s gonna be pure magic, baby. Send your guitarmonies to toiletovhellriff@gmail.com. Include your name, a link to the riff, the time of the riff, and an explanation. NOTE: the “No Maiden” rule is still in full effect. Submitting an Iron Maiden riff will be treated as cheating and your submission will be tossed out.

Today we’re tackling the most ignant slam and brutal death metal on earth. Whose knuckles will drag the lowest? That’s up for you to decide. Put on your fanciest mesh shorts and make your most overt wiggerish arm movements, we’re opening this pit up. If you ain’t slammin’, you ain’t jammin’.


Skip to 0:30 to hear the best pinch harmonic riff you’ve ever heard in your life.


Riff starts right from the start, so crucify that MF vote button for me.


The riff at 0:42 crushes more wiener than a runaway steamroller at a hog-dog factory.


Backed up toilet vocals? Check. Toilet in the name? Check. Perfect music after slamming down anything from the Denny’s menu after a long night of cheap booze? Double check. Riff starts at the 1:05 mark.


Prepare your anus at 0:47


If we’re talking slam, we’ve got to give props to the undisputed originators: the mighty Internal Bleeding.  And if we’re talking Internal Bleeding slams, it all starts with the gnarly riff at 1:45.  Any of the toileteers that used to go to shows back in the NYDM heyday will know exactly what riff I’m talking about before even pressing play. While this entire song is a string of ignorant barbarian slams, this was THE “open this floor up” slam.

Brock Samson

I am not really into brutal death and beatdown, but here is my attempt,  Start at 2:51

Sgt Shock

Nothing’s more brutal than young men attempting to navigate relations with the opposite sex within the confines of their own entitlement. Nothing. Riff starts at 0:18

Maik Beninton

Open this fucking pit! 0:11.

Ted Nü-Djent

This week I hope to… destroy… the opposition with my riff selection.The riff at 4.09

Satan Ov Hell

5 seconds in to 18 seconds in. The pinch harmonics flare out just right, the palm muted chugs grind in like concrete being dragged over steel. The drums pummel. Everything you need for wignorant slam.

Old Man Doom


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