Shirt Stains: The Osbourne Family Cell Phone Cover
If you’re ever feeling nostalgic for the early 2000’s, just look at this. That mixture of excess, post-9/11 fear, and what-the-fuck-consumerism that is, in some ways, very charming. It’s a hunk of plastic to put over your cell phone, but it’s metal. Well, sort of.
Technically, it’s not an Ozzy Osbourne Cell Phone Faceplate Cover. It’s a The Osbourne Family Cell Phone Faceplate Cover. Y’know. From the MTV show, The Osbournes. Your favorite dysfunctional family that had wacky non-adventures every week that helped reinvent Ozzy Osbourne as the lovable dad. It was a big success and helped introduce the world to Sharon, Kelly, Jack, and a bunch of their dogs to the world. But it still wasn’t good enough to get their pictures on a cell phone cover.
I guess that’s fair. I wouldn’t want a disappointed Sharon or disaffected Kelly and Jack looking at me every time I played Snake or had to call my Dad to come pick me up somewhere. Instead, we have the Ozzman flipping the double bird, practically letting you know that you’re a goof for buying this thing and putting it on your phone for everyone to see. I do find it a little funny that they show that, but censor out the “Fuckin” in The Prince of Fuckin Darkness at the bottom. Good for when you only slightly want to offend people.
Have no fear, though. This isn’t some cheap knockoff. I mean, yes, it’s cheap, but it’s the real deal. It even says so on the package. “Officially Licensed Product”. Doesn’t that just warm your heart as the purchaser? “Product”. People love it when you refer to something they bought as “product”. This does make me think that somewhere out there, there’s an open-air market with someone someone selling a bunch of unofficial, unlicensed The Osbournes products. Keep your eyes peeled. Maybe you can pick some up and sell them to a teenager that yearns for a simpler time.
