Shirt Stains: Zos Kia Polandus
O Father O Satan O Shit!
Behemoth and controversy go together like peanut butter and jelly. When they’re not having their songs hand-farted at them or selling Nergal statuettes, Behemoth seem to always be courting trouble. Sure, getting jailed, fined, and kicked out of Russia is bad, but that’s a walk in the park compared to all the issues the band has in their native Poland. Weird, right? You’d think a country that is over 90% Catholic would be totally into a band that has an album called The Satanist. Shows have been cancelled due to protesters, Nergal faced jail time on “blasphemy” chargers for tearing up a bible, and the band was at one point banned from playing in the country.
The fun never stops, though, as the band has sparked another controversy with their new shirt, which they dubbed “The Republic of the Unfaithful”.
Sadly, the shirt isn’t controversial because it looks like an Ed Hardy factory exploded onto a shirt produced by Monster Energy Drink. The Polish government alleges that the shirt has the Polish coat of arms emblem which is apparently a big no-no there. Big enough that there is now a criminal investigation. On Facebook, the band said:
We have an important announcement. Because of the ongoing criminal investigation we have a request of NOT putting on our profile ANY materials related to the “Republic of the Unfaithful” (“Rzeczpospolita Niewierna”) designs. We will have to remove such posts and ban people who will post it. Thank you.
According to Revolver (sorry), there was a more in-depth post by the band talking about the situation, but it has since been deleted. Interestingly, the Polish government doesn’t seem to have a problem with another one of the bands other shirts that seems to have be a variation of the country’s symbol on them. Maybe this one was a little too close for comfort. Maybe it’s because it cuts in on the lucrative hideous all-over bootleg shirts being sold on Amazon market.
Coming from the United States, this is a foreign concept to me (pun intended). People do all sorts of stupid shit with the flag. Most of the pick up trucks in this country would be impounded if there was a rule against displaying the flag in any other way than the standard. Hell, Kid Rock would be put in the pillory. But, hey, kneeling down during at a football game during the national anthem is a mortal sin to these star-spangled simpletons.
Wherever you stand on any of these minor issues, we can all come together and agree that this shirt is uglier than a year-old kielbasa that rolled across the floor and got stuck behind a Soviet-era radiator. Is cold. Is grey. Is sad. It make me think of winter in gulag system. It make me think of jerk-off Motocross bro dipping testicles in other bro’s mouth while yelling “No homo!” No American Yankee blue jean to make happy. No Ronald Reagan rock and roll times. Only cold, grey, sad Behemoth shirt.