Snow White’s Poison Bite – The End Of Prom Night: A Video Breakdown


Bite my shiny metal ass.

Normally when I do a video breakdown, it’s for a video that has recently come out. This week, though, we’re going back a few years to bring you a band that has mostly managed to remain under the radar despite containing a large amount of lolbuttz. This one is a special request going out to the big bossman Joe. What he says goes. Speaking of which, I’ll pick up your dry-cleaning at 4. They were able to get out the beer and brisket stains.

Snow White’s Poison Bite is a Finnish sorta-punk sorta-emo sorta-pop band signed to Victory Records. While it’s no longer the “tuff guy” label it once was, keep in mind that Hatebeed, Earth Crisis, Blood For Blood, Snapcase, and A18 were all on Victory. Then again, so was Design The Skyline, Hawthorne Heights, and The Junior Varsity, so there you go. The band’s name is an obvious reference, but it’s still a strange name when you think about it. So they’re just the act of a fictional character? They’re not Snow White and they’re not the apple. They’re not even the witch. They’re just a verb of sorts. Weird.


0:04: Welcome to the grindhouse
0:09: Why do I have the sneaking suspicion that the “lame” music is going to be better than the band’s actual song?
0:15: Suspicions confirmed.
0:18: Does the guy on the left suffer from gigantism or is he part-Braniac?
0:20: Is there a Finnish term for “Holy fuckstains, look at the drummer’s gaping ear holes”?
0:24: Can one of our high-cheekboned friends tell us if they have proms in Finland?
0:29: At least we know they still have disco balls.
0:36: Maybe you’re sad because you have two things sticking out of your face. Just a theory.
0:40: Timmu is going to get lucky tonight!
0:45: A literal lolbuttz.
0:49: That mic must reek of Axe body spray and Tupla.
0:54: The guitar camera only works when you’re playing something complicated.
1:01: When the band travels, he has to register his hair as a pet.
1:06: Hey, it’s that new dance craze “The Running Putz”.
1:12: Please say hell to Molly Ringwald’s non-union Finnish equivalent Molly Ringwittanen.
1:16: “Okay, Esa. For this role, you just need to look confused. Nothing else. Can you do that? Great!”
1:22: I’d cry too if this band showed up at my prom.
1:28: What’s the knife for? Are we having cake or something?
1:33: Seriously, is like half his brain exposed and the only thing keeping it from popping out is that bandana?
1:35: Cool, Candlemass is at the party too!
1:41: Vocalist Jeremy Thirteenth (really) looks disturbingly like Arya Stark with a meth problem.
1:45: Aw, someone got lingonberry jam all over their knife.
1:48: “My only regret…is not being in Nightwish…”
1:50: Looking at his teeth definitely suggests a meth problem.
1:57: Bloody Goatee would be good band name.
2:02: His shirt has his name on it just in case he gets lost…or his parents want someone to kidnap him.
2:13: “Oh…hey, Mr. Homicidal Maniac That Just Broke Into My Prom And Killed People. Want to go to Hot Topic and stuff?”
2:21: Why does he have a bloody glove on? Is it his “heavy flow” day?
2:25: “Can you cut my steak for me? My mom doesn’t let me use sharp objects.”
2:32: I’ll bet he can stick a whole mustaseljanmarja through those dangling lobes.
2:37: Even the Finnish Richie Sambora is here. What a party!
2:44: Nice nail polish.
2:54: Why do they all have bloody pants? You know what? I don’t want to know.
3:01: Why the long face?
3:05: She splashed her with jelly. What a jerk!
3:09: “Ahhh! It’s the girl who’s actually better looking than my date! Nooooooo!”
3:18: She’s either stabbing him or really bad at handjobs.
3:24: Really, no one is concerned with the bloody pants?
3:28: It’ll never work out. He’ll use all her hair product.
3:39: So the random, brutal murders are justified because she was mad at them…or something. So both her and the band are the villains. Got it.
3:40: Probably would’ve been better if it were all a dream.
3:41: More believable too.

Remember high school? Snow White’s Poison Bite does. I suppose some things transcend borders and cultures. Of course, I’m talking about crappy pop punk. I’m a little disappointed that the band toned-down their Misfits worship in this video. It was the only thing they had going for them.

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