Soulfly – Archangel: A Video Breakdown

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Sadly, there’s no cameo by Psylocke or Colossus.

By now, you pretty much know exactly what you’re going to get with Soulfly. Chugga chugga. Yell yell yell. The word “fuck”. Maybe a solo. That’s about it. It’s a simple formula that has, for better or worse, worked for the band for over a decade. There will always be fans of the patented “chugga chugga yell yell yell fuck.” It’s like the Pythagorean theorem of metal.

Soulfly released their tenth (!) studio album Archangel about a month ago. Though the album received mostly positive reviews, it only peaked at 130 on the Billboard charts. Do the Billboard charts matter anymore? Did they ever really matter for metal? I think Billboard just doesn’t appreciate the “chugga chugga yell yell fuck”. Let’s take a look at Soulfly’s new video for their title track to find out.

 

0:03: Yeah, that’s kind of what I would expect a Soulfly fan to look like.
0:07: No one is that excited to see Soulfly. Not even their own mothers.
0:16: I diid?
0:24: The next Goosebumps book should be called “The Stench From Max Cavalera’s Microphone”.
0:28: He’s got more wrist bands than a high school sophmore girl.
0:34: Zooooooom!
0:39: How many times do you think a bird has nested in Max’s hair?
0:47: See, kids love the chugga chuggas. Now we wait for the yell yell yells.
0:55: Come on now. Give us the yell yell yells.
1:01: Max is clearly overdressed for the occasion.
1:03: It must be hard to play a camouflage guitar. How do you even see it?
1:08: Yes! Give us all the yell yell yells!
1:14: Max is in serious need of some Beard Completer.
1:20: Seriously, his beard has more patches than his jacket.
1:28: Rizzo’s beard on the other hand is lush, full, and silky.
1:34: Sweaty Brofly.
1:41: This one goes out to the weedly deedly lovers out there.
1:43: So did they travel back to 1993 to get a new bassist?
1:50: Jumpdafuckup.
2:03: Gross gross gross gross gross gross
2:07: That’s not even close to synching up.
2:12: The brick wall behind them gives Max a nice “stand-up comedian” feel.
2:15: “What has eight legs and totally sucks?”
2:19: “Sepultura! Huehuehue jajajaja lololololol hahaha!”
2:24: I haven’t seen this many angry, bald, white dudes since they took down the Confederate flag in South Carolina.
2:37: Max closes his eyes because he’s really feeling it. Or it’s just his nappy time.
2:48: “The power of Max compels you! The power of Max compels you!”
3:00: This show is a chiropractor’s dream.
3:10: Ah, here’s our solo.
3:17: Now all we need is a few good “fucks” and we’re all set.
3:26: Out-of-focus moshing is the best moshing.
3:34: Now that’s a “heavy merol” face!
3:43: “I can’t go!” Incontinence is a serious problem. Please consult your physician.
3:48: Or just drink a lot of cranberry juice.
3:54: It’s not quite an invisible orange. Maybe an invisible apple?
4:00: Jeez, there’s still a minute and twenty seconds left.
4:06: “So what did one loser say to the other 3 losers?”
4:10: “It sure is great being in Sepultura!”
4:15: “Huehuehue jajajaja lololololol hahaha!”
4:19: Oh shit…
4:24: Here it comes…
4:30: He’s gunna say “fuck”…
4:37: Hey, I always wanted to know what “regret” looks like in human form.
4:39: I take it back. That is what I would expect a Soulfly fan to look like.
4:42: I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone with a tramp stamp on their chest.
4:52: “Thank you very much for jumpingdafuckup!”

Soulfly’s album Archangel is available now via Nuclear Blast Records.

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