The ONLY All-Over Print Shirt You’d Buy
Can it be done? Can the all-over print album cover t-shirt ever work?
I have a pretty good idea what you’re thinking – all-over print band shirts are garish abominations that have never worked. They’re akin to wearing court mandated apparel detailing your crime to the general public, in this case, transgressions against taste. You’ve all seen these things. Over the years, 365 Days Of Horror has shown us some bewilderingly atrocious examples. Things that have surfaced on the internet like those grotesque oceanic oddities of the deep that sporadically wash up on the beaches of quaint coastal towns, immediately converting the 283 humble residents into staunch atheists with their godless morphological malformities. One look at these accursed shirts can be used as a sole citation to confirm humanity arose as a series of biological mistakes. So the easy answer to the question, is no, all-over album cover print shirt can not work. No exceptions.
However, if [vapid ‘hope’ quote appropriated from inspirational poster] has taught me anything, we should at least try to come up with an option, even if it’s just for the fuck of it. So today I thought we could each put forward an album cover we think could potentially work as an all-over print shirt. Now I know there are going to be some options where the album art is all black with just the band logo or something, which technically would work just fine, but that’s a cop-out. Let’s try and think of some that are more recognisable for their art work.
Before I proffer a couple that I think could work, let’s lower the bar by looking at some that are (allegedly) available to purchase in this, the truly tasteless timeline. Some are just a bit too busy, some a just a bit too bright, and some look like they’re the result of Grimace getting jacked-up on PCP, engaging in a furious seven-hour long masturbation session and violently exploding rainbow ejaculate all over a Gildan XL-cum-rag.
So I think you get the point, the vast majority of these are repulsive on essentially every level; physically, mentally, spiritually, you name it. Now I don’t buy into new-age woo/eclecticism in any way, but just while briefly looking at them I could feel the ancient god Indiemerchius shitting directly on all of my chakras. So in the quest to think of an album that wouldn’t fail miserably, the first album that came to mind for me was Hæthen‘s Shaped By Aeolian Winds, but I think that kinda falls into the realm of a cop-out as the design of the cover would mean the sleeves would just be plain black, leaving a pretty stock standard album cover shirt.
So I started thinking maybe the best route would be by using an album that features a simple pattern or minimalist design as opposed to more conventional cover art. If I had to choose an album cover for an all-over print that I’d even consider wearing, I think Abyssal‘s Antikatastaseis, Misþyrming‘s Söngvar elds og óreiðu, or Nahar‘s The Strange Inconvenience could potentially work for me, even if just to wear around the house. Here are some jank super pixellated photoshops that definitely do not reinforce my case.