Flush it Friday: The Moment A Song Dies
The song has it all: 5 minutes of fire emoji riffing, larynx-lacerating VOKILLS (get it, it’s like vocals but violence instead lmoa I am very smart let’s keep using this for every press release) and a production job so thick that Youtubers are asking it to name 3 brands of oatmeal. Things were so beautiful—but then it happened. In the course of seconds, the foundation crumbled: a cheesy synth stuck in your craw, a whiny clean section caused you to recoil in shame, or maybe the band just got too sloppy. Whatever the reason, the song was soiled. Tainted. Look how they massacred my boy.
Thankfully, we’ve got some highlights from this week where bands made good decisions instead.
Lord of Bork answered the question that has stumped science for decades: Why are The Melvins?
Black Metal Porkins proved that we’re all suckers for non-metal songs covered by metal bands.
Spear returned from an alternate dimension with tales of the impending Xothian invasion.
Ben Serna-Grey received reports of robotic combat from Stormland.
I’m off to get my tailfeathers handed to me by an obsidian dragon. Please press F and raise a shitpost in my memory. While you’re at it, do you have any moments like these where a song shit the bed?