Eskimo Callboy – MC Thunder: A Video Breakdown
Not an advertisement for the newest McDonald’s sandwich, but it will also make you violently ill.
“A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” Whoever said that was a) a fuckin’ nerd who probably wasn’t an outlaw metal alpha b) did not know there would be a band named “Eskimo Callboy”. This is one of those times when you should judge a book by its cover and that’s coming from a blog called “Toilet Ov Hell”. The name Eskimo Callboy is the equivalent of nature giving some poisonous animal bright colors: it’s a warning to stay away.
This German metalcore band has been around since 2010 and their name has never managed to not make me full-body fear-spasm. It’s like when you see a band replace an “S” with a “Z” in their name. You know you’re in for a bad time. The band has impressively managed to get on major metal festivals and is currently on Century Media Records. Is there is more to the band than just a terrible name? Have we been missing out on something special just because their name sounds like something a waking coma patient might blurt out because their vocal chords have gone unused for a long time? Let’s find out.
0:01: Nope. We weren’t wrong.
0:08: I keep misreading the song title as “MC Chunder”.
0:10: Oh, wow! THE HandOfBlood?!
0:11: Who or what the fuck is HandOfBlood?
0:15: Is that HandOfBlood?
0:19: Is that?
0:25: I don’t think we’ll ever really know that answer.
0:31: Oh, jeez. It’s going to be one of those videos.
0:36: You know the kind, where someone is ha-ha-lariously retro fashion and they act like a douche.
0:41: Was that ever a funny idea? I mean, Blink 182 did that years ago and it sucked then too.
0:46: Saving for a future @MetalwoContext post.
0:51: Gross. Who knows where that tongue has been?
1:04: Please drive off the cliff. Please drive off the cliff. Please drive off the cliff.
1:10: I’ll remember this song every time someone complains about nu metal.
1:17: Oh sweet Jebus, these lyrics.
1:26: It’s like someone took the dumbest club song and went “Yeah, but let’s rub our dirty assholes on it first.”
1:34: The next time you listen to an incredible, but unsigned, band, just remember that these guys are signed to a major metal label.
1:42: So the concept for this video is “Some dickhole wears a stupid wig and drives around California.”
1:48: Oh, and he’s a total fucking creepbag.
1:57: He’s currently contemplating his next “Women are ruining metal” column for Death Metal Underground.
2:08: Cadillac should sue Eskimo Callboy for defamation.
2:16: A moody 16 year old could crank out more meaningful lyrics.
2:29: This is a lovely reminder that rising sea levels will eventually prevent more Eskimo Callboy songs from being written.
2:40: He’s saying “Kick here”.
2:47: Did Eskimo Callboy or the video’s director demand that “White Trash Hitler” be the star of the show?
2:56: May this be used in every sexual harassment in the workplace video from here to eternity.
3:09: Come on, snipers. Where are you?
3:14: Many, many people watched this video before it was released and were like “Yup, this is exactly what we want people to see when thinking of our music.”
3:25: Eskimo Callboy: Music For When Your Standards Are Already Too Low.
3:33: It’s worth pointing out that this band had a song called “Is Anyone Up?” If that sounds familiar, it’s because it was also the name of a revenge porn site. The owner of that site went to jail.
3:41: Here’s hoping Cadillac has lax airbag standards.
3:46: Holy shit, there’s actually a behind the scenes video for this nothing sandwich.
3:50: The lesson here is to absolutely judge a book by its cover and judge a band by its stupid fucking name.
Eskimo Callboy’s album The Scene is out on August 25th, 2017 via Century Media Records.