Flush it Friday: ANYONE WHO LEVELS DEX IS A WIMP edition



It’s Friday, so let’s flush it. Today, I’m jamming out to this. Jam along if you please.

The Good:
As many of you non-plebs know, the gaming event of the year is upon us. Dark Souls 3 has been released. For those of you who don’t praise the sun, Dark Souls is a very challenging third-person action RPG that pits you in a harsh world and brutally murders you over and over again. It’s really fun. I haven’t had much time to play it because I’m in 8000 music groups and have a full time job. Fortunately, a few hours after you read this post, I will be holed away until Sunday morning doing nothing but playing.

I also got to go with my dad to see the Carolina Opera perform a double feature of Rachmaninoff’s Aleko and Leoncavallo’s Pagliacci. Both pieces featured incredible acting, performances, and music, plus I got sweet hangs with the dad. Work is still good. My cat is still good. The radio show is still good even if I make Joe do all the work (thx jojo).

The Bad:
I can’t play Dark Souls 3 while I’m at work. My cat Albus scratched my foot and it hurts a little bit against the inside of my shoe.

The Ugly:
This is what I really wanted to talk about today. Some of you have played Dark Souls or Bloodborne, some of you are currently playing Dark Souls 3, and maybe some of you plan to eventually. Read carefully, wimps and posers, and heed my words.

Leveling Dex is for pathetic wimps.

Using magic is for pathetic losers.

If you are playing Dark Souls 3 with anything but a Str build, delete your save file. You are wrong. There is nothing worse than finding out that someone you thought was a friend is currently using some giant toothpick called an Uchigatana or shooting magic missiles at people like some kind of awful LARPer throwing socks at people. Masterlord and I have consulted on this, and we are absolutely certain we are correct. Go find you a club, a great club, a greatsword, anything huge. If the weapon is bigger than you, then it is probably good. If it requires more than 15 or 20 Dex to use, it is not good. Don’t even get me started on these so called “hybrids” that require Int or Faith to use. Would you buy a weapon that required you to pass a math test or tithe to your preferred religion before you could shoot it? Of course you wouldn’t, unless you’re a stupid nerd. I will crush you.

The fact that there are actual people out there using weapons smaller than a bastard sword disgusts me. There are real people, right now, who think they are good players while they hide behind shield and sorcery. I say no more. Masterlord and I have formed the blood covenant of the almighty ZWEIHANDER. We are dedicated to invading the worlds of weak dex and magic players and desecrating their flesh with our mighty steel.

After reading that, I’m sure all of you Dex wimps are now curious on how to make a good build. This video is still relevant to this day, because THE LEGEND NEVER DIES. Well, what is it?  You’re not a filthy casual, are you?

Credit for the header image.

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