Flush It Friday: Criminal Records

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Howdy there, flushers. Guacamole Jim here; ready, willing, and bent over to give you a succulent dose of chip dip to satisfy all your cravings.

Most of you know how Flush-it-Friday works, but for those who don’t, let me give you an overview:

1: THE BAD: We complain about shit.

2: THE GOOD: We follow that up that shit with some good shit that has happened to us.

3. THE UGLY: We provide detailed descriptions of horrifying bowel movements resulting from bad eating (or something equally as disgusting). [Editor’s Note: This third step is news to me but I’ll allow it!]

For example:

THE BAD: Some of you probably already know that I got myself into some relatively serious legal trouble. I wasn’t able to contact my lawyer, due to A) not getting on the ball soon enough, B) him being preposterously busy, and C) the police not doing their work, resulting in nothing being available to my lawyer in the first place.

THE GOOD: My lawyer is a fucking champ. He managed, between Wednesday night and Thursday morning to A) get the disclosure, B) talk to the crown and negotiate with them, and C) get me the absolute minimum sentence.

THE UGLY: I was so fucking stressed on Wednesday, I said “FUCK THIS DIET, BITCH” and ordered a large pizza with hot sauce. Throughout the next day’s trial, which went exceptionally well, my bowels were screaming “WE INGESTED HOT SAUCE YOU MOTHERFUCKER” at me. As soon as things were wrapped up, I made my (very) sorry ass down to the courthouse bathrooms and commenced a vigorous punishment of the unsuspecting toilet.

Twice.

 

 

So now it’s your turn. What do you need to flush? What kind of streak-free toilet bowl returned? And what the hell did you manage to ingest that gave your bowels the spirit of Aku? Let’s bitch this shit out.

 

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