Flush it Friday: How Long B4 I Cave to Elden Ring? Edition


Back when CyberPunk 2077 was released, I’d been waiting 8 or so years to play. The game was shipped as a gutted, sterile playground for raytracing. Large groups of Night City denizens would start screaming and cowering in fear as I walked by, and they wouldn’t stop. An absolute c a t e r w a u l i n g followed me, along with cops that would teleport behind me instantly when I did crimes, as if to say, nothing personnel, kid. Now the familiar feeling is coming up again—Elden Ring has received rave reviews from publications large and small, an almost suspicious level of acclaim, to my bitter, jaded, owl eyes. Fast-forward to the game coming out yesterday/today, and the highest rated PC game on MetaCritic now sits at ~60% on Steam.

Much like Reddit, Steam is full of sentient fedoras not perfect, but this huge gap between critics and fans is as worrying a trend as ever. Is the bad stuttering the relic of a shiddy day-1 patch? Did ~90 review sites just willfully ignore poor optimization on rigs that exceeded recommended specs? Who knows. Will I cave instead of waiting for months for a fix (if it ever comes)? FromSoftware has a history of trash ports and (early on) general jank, so I’m torn up on this one. But here’s something dependable for you: danque Toilet content.

Karhu premiered a song ABOUT:BAND Vaina:

Premiere: Vaina – “ABOUT:BLANK”

IGoM buttered us up with this Milquetoast review (that was anything but milquetoast!):

Check Yourself: Milquetoast’s Caterwaul

A Spewky (le hat tip to IGoM via Disqus) Mansion stitched two corpses together with this Ritual Necromancy/Fossilization premiere:

Premiere – Ritual Necromancy/Fossilization

Blood Incantation‘s ambient rekkid is so powerful it resurrected Leif Bearikson! Hello, friend!

Review: Blood Incantation – Timewave Zero

Are you playing Elden Ring already? If not, congrats on still having your life. If so, what system? Your experience so far with jank? Try G/B/Us but hole.

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