Kataklysm – Breaching The Asylum: A Video Breakdown


Subtlety be damned!

Kataklysm have been around a long time. Like a seriously long time. I only became aware for them with their song “Shadows And Dust”, and that came out in 2004. That’s a good 13 (!) years after they first formed. Adding the Ex Deo side project to the mix, and you’ve got an incredibly long list of songs and albums. When a band has been around for so long, there’s always a need to get creative in order to hold the attention of the masses. Sometimes it calls for elaborate stage shows, unexpected covers, interesting tour choices, or in the case of Kataklysm, releasing ten music videos in the span of two weeks.

That’s…that’s a lot of videos, especially in 2015. We’ve already posed the question if metal bands should still make music videos (answer: probably not), but in an effort to promote their newest album Of Ghosts And Gods, they have produced ten. Let’s take a look and see if it was worth it.

0:06: Wait, what band is this again?
0:12: Can someone turn up the brightness on this video?
0:16: Oh, shit. Is this Sad Satan 2: Electric BoogalloOHMYGODTHEY’REEATINGMYFACE
0:24: I can practically smell the stale piss in this hallway.
0:27: 50 Shades Of Maurizio Iacono.
0:31: Jesus, what a day.
0:40: Maybe his prayers will bring him a less-patchy beard.
0:43: Too close! I can practically see chicken finger crumbs in his ‘stache.
0:49: Good food, good drink, good Schuldiner let’s eat!
0:56: You cannot escape from the smell of patchouli.
1:01: Try tossing those necklaces out at Mardi Gras.
1:08: Okay, the safety word is “Tallahassee”.
1:11: If this room were in Manhattan, it would cost $20,000 a month.
1:16: So are they just not even trying to sync up the video and the vocals?
1:20: Maybe they’re just pacing themselves for all the other videos. Don’t want to use all up your editing resources.
1:28: I can’t quite figure out what they’re going for with all these crosses and such.
1:37: Y’know, just zooming in and out of focus in your video doesn’t actually count as having a plot.
1:46: I wonder if Maurizio brought the blindfold from home.
1:52: T stands for “Time to make a better video”.
1:58: Well maybe you wouldn’t be so bored if you put stuff in your room. Maybe some books or a “Hang In There, Baby” poster.
2:03: “Let’s throw in some other religious stuff so people think we’re not just bashing Christians.”
2:06: Maurizio has an itchy nose and he can’t scratch it.
2:14: See, this is why you don’t eat blueberries while reading. That stain will never come out.
2:20: I hope this long hallway shot took multiple takes.
2:26: High-five.
2:28: You might want to see a doctor about possibly having “herpes of the eyes”.
2:32: Candy rosaries: Coming to a weird supermarket near you.
2:39: Man, were his eyes filled with Gushers or something?
2:46: You have chosen…poorly.
2:48: Looks like someone’s ready to join Vital Remains.
2:57: Look, I know he’s yucky, but can you just keep the camera on him for more than 2 seconds?
3:00: Weeeeeeeeeeee!
3:12: Let’s throw in the Westboro clowns for funsies.
3:20: This is the “after” picture from the strawberry orgy.
3:28: Can someone give the camera a ride home? It’s drunk.
3:35: Eye blood is just so yummy that I have to have a taste
3:42: “I’m gunna lick you like a stamp!”
3:52: Patty cake, patty cake…
3:57: Eh, I’m ok with this.
4:02: Yeah, let’s linger on the computerized asylum shot just in case anyone didn’t catch the subtlety of the message.

With such deep and creative ideas like this, I can’t wait to sit through NINE MORE VIDEOS. Maybe they were just saving themselves for one giant Star Warsesque epic video. Or maybe they just shatted out a few lyric videos and called it a day.

Kataklysm’s new album Of Ghosts And Gods is out now via Nuclear Blast.

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