Riff Of The Week: Badass Horserider Edition
“Alexa, translate “riff” into equine”.
Last week we ate all manner of horned ungulates and steamed all our hams next door in the Sauna ov Hell for our Scandinavian Edition. Shit was reeeeeeal close between a few of the entries, so I’m awarding a 4-way victory to Grafvitnir, Heavy Load, Morbus Chron, and Nekromantheon, mostly because I love upwards of 86.3% of those bands. Congrats go out to everyone who submitted except me.
This week we asked for riffs from albums featuring badass horseriding motherfuckers on their covers. The response was excellent, there’s a quite a few here so it might take a little while to sift through. Saddle the fuck up dorks, it’s time to ride!
Eternal Champion – ‘The Armor of Ire’ (Riff at 0:00)
The opening riff for this records title track sounds like all sword wielding badassery should. Thrashy as fuck. Hell bent on serving up a cold plate of revenge, the Eternal Champion slings steel throughout the multiverse and takes no prisoners.
“No force will heed my pace. No iron will rend my flesh before I can deal you a traitors fate. My ire is my armor.”
Satyricon – ‘The Dark Castle in the Deep Forest’ (Riff @ 4:42)
I don’t know if any riff in existence could sound more appropriate to its song title. This is atmosphere right here, folks. And look at that badass horseriding motherfucker! Byaaahhhhhh!! This is one of Jimmy McNulty’s favorites. He loves the production. And you should love it, too–if not for me, then for Jimmy.
Doomriders – ‘Black Thunder’ (Riff @ 0:49)
I don’t think there’s a more badass motherfucker than Death, and Death riding a winged horse while wielding lightning is clearly off the charts. Luckily Doomriders writes songs chock full of good riffs to back up the art, like this swinging riff from Black Thunder that sounds like the soundtrack to a brawl at a shitty dive bar.
Krisiun – ‘The Will to Potency’ (Riff @ 1:59)
Anything that makes me wanna pound my head into submission is good by me.
Emperor – ‘I Am the Black Wizards’ [EP Version] (Riff @ 0:13)
You want a badass guy riding a badass horse while holding a badass weapon? How about the Reaper, y’all?
Acknowledge the supremacy of this riff!
Marduk – ‘Burn My Coffin’ (Riff at 1:08)
What’s more badass than a bunch of ominous Nazgul? Maybe that melodic riff at 1:08 and also the awesome built-up slower part that comes afterwards!
Desolate Shrine – ‘ Death In You’ (Riff @ 1:00)
I present to you the spoopiest motherfucker riding a horse: candle head (https://f4.bcbits.com/img/a3221292258_10.jpg). Praise be to Scrimm for introducing me to Desolate Shrine, cuz they rill gud. 1:00 into “Death In You” you’ll find one badass riff that’s slow but not doomy, and dripping with atmosphere. Oh, are these guise from Finland? What a fuqqin’ surprise!
Ensiferum – ‘Sword Chant’ (Riff @ 0:21)
Hey, this horseriding guy needs to be on this contest, even when he is not riding the horse because he looks so busy and solemn contemplating at a motherfucking war brewing below the cliff. He’s just there, gazing at the cloudy bloodlust humming the riff of my favorite Ensiferum song, Sword Chant that starts just after a building up drum fill which promises just one thing: TOTAL MELODIC ANNIHILATION! (0:21).
(I liek that I said cliff-riff-fill, jajaja. You catch my drift, just vote and imbue some dwarvish magic to your blade before battle, remember to bring your own potions too, we do not want lame adventurers over here).
A Gruesome Find – ‘Kingdom Crusher’ (Riff @ 0:00)
DOOD ON HORSE LOOK READY TO SMAAAAAAAASSSHHHH!!!!!!!
Havukruunu – ‘Noidanhauta’ (Riff @ 4:36)
Against this Immortal level God-tier riff, there can be no victory. Add to that the copious amounts of Viking era Bathory worship present on this song and voting against it is a crime. Srs. The horseman on the cover approves.
The Granulating Dark Horseriding Milfs
Cathedral – ‘Jaded Entity’ (Riff @ 5:26)
There are a couple of people riding horses (including Lee Dorrian himself) in this clusterfuck of an album cover. When it comes to writing killer riffs, nobody did it better than the doom lords from Coventry. This amazing riff crushes but also grooves, it kicks your fucking ass but also leaves you humming it.
Turbo – ‘Seance With Vampire’ (Riff @ 0:49)
Flames, some weird electric type of shit, drone(?), flames, demon horse, flaming imp with bow & arrow and a pouting last warrior i presume. And riffs.
Next week we’re looking for riffs from songs featuring a place name in the title. The only stipulation is that the place must be a real world place you can visit on Earth somewhere, don’t try and sly in some fantasy realm hamlet you LARPed in once.
Submission details below.