Shirt Stains: Rivers Of Musk


Where Sociopaths Know My Name

Rivers of Nihil‘s latest album Where Owls Know My Name is going to be on a lot of “Album Of The Year” lists. With good reason too. The band have really hit their stride and have reached a new audience with their infectious brand of technical death metal. They even have a fancy deal with Taco Bell. The sky is the limit for the band. Judging by their new limited-edition shirt, they’re ready to hop a SpaceX flight to the stars.

I legitimately had no idea that was supposed to be Elon Musk until I saw the listing for the shirt. I ran through a few different possibilities of who it could be: Ronald Reagan? Patrick Warburton? A really bad Michael Jackson? Nope, it’s just the creep that said “I am the alpha in this relationship” to his wife as they were dancing at their wedding. Inspired by his awkward as hell appearance on Joe Rogan’s podcast, his eyes are now roughly the shade of a Weedeater song. Great.

I’ve never followed Rivers of Nihil closely, so I’m not sure if this is a surprise to anyone. Have they professed love for the Saturday morning cartoon villain before? Do we need to comb through their lyrics to pick up references to SpaceX, Tesla, and claiming that a man that helped rescue children trapped in a cave in Thailand was a pedophile? Awful work conditions? Dipshit ideas? Dangerous dipshit ideas?

The funny thing is that the love of Musk has already been claimed by another metal band. Raptor Command is “The Heavy Metal Tribute to Elon Musk!” I now have to go to an optometrist to get my eyes checked after the massive rolling they have just done. Get some eyedrops and check some of this shit out:



Ultimately, is it a bad thing that Rivers of Nihil have a shirt like this? No, of course not. There are far worse figures to put on your shirt. It just makes me give the band a little side-eye. Many would and could argue that for all his many, many, many flaws, Musk is helping push science and innovation forward. I’m not sure how selling an $82,000 car or shooting a car into space helps.. Then again, one of his SpaceX rockets did blow up a Facebook satellite and he completely boned himself with a dumb tweet, so you take what you can get.

Maybe Rivers of Nihil are just trolling and goofing on the guy. They did kind of make him look like The Joker on the shirt. Then again, their tweet promoting this shirt says “ELON SAVE US ALL” doesn’t help. I’m just not sure.

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