Vape Stains: Gwar Vape Juice


Bro is all we know.

I thoroughly enjoy Gwar. Let’s get that out of the way right now. I have always had fun at their shows, I get a kick out of their songs, their movies are a trip, and their interviews/TV show appearances are always a must watch. That’s why I’m in an awkward position with this edition of Shirt Stains.

Back in 2014, Gwar, along with Mt. Baker Vapor, released their own line of vape juice. I don’t fault Gwar for trying to make a buck. Plenty of bands and musicians nowadays throw their names and images on a myriad of products from hot sauce to coffee to umm… love pillows. Gwar is no stranger to this practice as they have their own BBQ sauce, beer, and sort-of family-friendly restaurant. Selling albums and live shows no longer pay the bills, so get paid while you can.

It’s just that vaping is just so… jeez, how do I put this? Vaping is just so douchetastic that if a group of people vaping link arms, they call upon the powers granted to them by Zordon and form the Douchazord. Come the fuck on. Of course, not everyone who vapes is a stangry, Beta-tastic, mansplaning, Gamergate-supporting, fedora-collecting asswizard. That would be an unfair generalization. There are some women that also vape.

E-cigarettes and other forms of vaping, seen by many as a replacement for the harmful effects of smoking cigarettes, will soon be regulated by the FDA which means holy shit, it hasn’t been regulated this entire time. Many a tear has been shed on a patchy neckbeard since this news was announced. Sure, Jefferson gave us the right to suck down Banana crème-flavored mystery liquid into our lungs, and over 3 million pre-teens and teens use e-cigarettes. How dare big gumbermint infringe on our free speech and Constitution and liberty!?!

Leave it to Gwar to make their cash-in funny. Here are the names of their vape juices (man, it never stops feeling weird to read and write “vape juices”): Bloodbath, German Chocolate Beefcake, GwaRy4, Spew, and… wait for it… Jizmoglobin. Classic Gwar. Even their quotes about releasing the product are funny. Still, it just feels strange. Quick searches turned up nothing for KISS or Misfits vape juice, and they put their names any logos on just about anything. Also, Googling “kiss vape” was a poor idea.

With many of the shirts and merchandise written about in Shirt Stains, I will often say something along the lines of “What were they thinking?” I know exactly what Gwar was thinking when they did this. Get those fat stacks of cash so you can keep squirting strangers with all sorts of nasty fluids on a nightly basis. Plus, it looks like at least Beefcake The Mighty actually vapes himself. If vaping helps someone quit smoking cigarettes, that’s great. Giving money to Gwar is even better. Just leave the angry Reddit comments and tattered copy of Atlas Shrugged at home and crank some Sexecutioner.

For those interested (or morbidly curious), you can purchase the Gwar flavored vape juice here.

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