Black Veil Brides – Goodbye Agony: A Video Breakdown

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Brand new look. Same crappy taste.

I know you’re not supposed to judge a book by it’s cover, but just look at this cover:

bvbsoft

Yeah, judge it all you want. Black Veil Brides look like the Motley Crue has a baby with Tokio Hotel at the MAC cosmetics counter. And then pissed on it. If they were in Australia, their look would be a bootable offense. It’s a gimmick and I get that. Hey, I always enjoy a good gimmick be it masks or face paint or whatever. This gimmick appeals to 13 year old girls just starting to become really interested in boys. They’re threatening, but still fresh linen-soft. It’s for teens that want to rebel, but still need a ride to the mall.

I mean, I’m currently resisting the urge to punch my laptop just looking at them and I don’t think I’ve ever heard a song by them. Sometimes bands are able to shed their gimmicks, focus on the music, and become hugely influential. Just look at Pantera. I don’t think too many people would sing along to “Walk” if they were still sporting leopard spandex and teased hair. As luck would have it, Black Veil Brides have changed their look (maybe they did this a while ago, but it’s news to me) and released a new video.

0:01: Oh hai, Jesus!

0:04: “Mallgotha” would have been a more appropriate name.

0:10: Spider Goth, Spider Goth, likes to chew on poser moths.

0:15: That’s some high-quality, store-bought dirt. That stuff’s loaded with nutrients

0:20: Hey, who left their Light Bright on?

0:28: NOT THE BEADS!

0:34: Mirror, mirror on the wall, please tell mom to take me to the mall.

0:38: FINE! I HATE YOU, MOM!

0:41: Nice flannel tied around the waste. Much edgyness.

0:47: M SHADOWS!

0:55: Citronella candles: a cheap and effective way to light your music video and keep mosquitoes away.

1:02: BVB traded in makeup for a lot of finger accessories.

1:06: Cool, she’s drawing the bridge that Old Man Gloom just burned.

1:09: Huzzawut?

1:20: Is the bassist dressed in a wedding cake from the 60’s?

1:32: That dude is definitely named Chad. Or Brayden. Or Jayden. “Indiana Jayden”. I like it.

1:34: Black Veil Brides blowup dolls now available.

1:46: I think this dude is wearing two belts. And I don’t think either of them are holding up his pants.

2:01: BRING THE WAR…but please, pretty white people only.

2:22: Nothing says “You’ll regret this when you’re 40” like a neck tattoo.

2:31: Good thing the drummer has all those cymbals. They really make a huge difference.

2:34: More citronella candles! Is someone having a cookout?

2:57: “T” is for “Time to leave”

3:00: Maleficent? Is that you?

3:16: Soloing and doing the “I gotta pee dance”. Who says BVB aren’t talented?

3:35: M SHADOWS!

3:51: “Here. Take my book of shitty drawings. I don’t want them anymore.”

4:16: Gasp! The shitty drawings brought him back to life! Or he was alive the whole time and they made a terrible, terrible mistake.

So there you go. Black Veil Brides may not look like the bottom of a purse anymore, but it doesn’t make much of a difference. That song has more processing than the McRib, but unlike the McRib, Black Veil Brides is around all-year long.

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