The Worst Album Art of 2023

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2023 for you and me

Another year has come and gone. Some things happened, some things didn’t. The truth is, we probably won’t remember most of it as we are constantly inundated with, well, everything all the time. Sure, we all have some memories of 2023, but most of it blends together with previous years gone by. That’s just time and age. The days are long, but the years are short. What does remain of 2023, however, is some of the worst heavy metal album art. As has been the case in years past, this is an incomplete and subjective list. Try to resist the urge to say “AkSh0AlLy, this isn’t that bad” or “this is tight/dope/phat/whatever people say now.” I know it’s hard, but you can do it. This is the time of year to come together and point at laugh at silly things.

 

Well, this is oddly appropriate for this website.

 

Alex Jonesolom

 

Psycho Synner getting the sales numbers one month after releasing 9 albums.

 

This must’ve been with Doc and Marty went to Derry, Maine and It stole the Delorean.

 

This is what happens when you open your third eye after drinking Panera’s murder lemonade.

 

Abuttheus

 

Kind of seems like you’re not trapped anymore, but what do I know.

 

Needs more outerglow.

 

MS Paintcore

 

They demanded Satan has nipple rings or else they’d find another artist

 

 

Retweeting yourself like…

 

Needs more Super Dave Osborne.

 

AI-yi-yi!

 

Even the Goatlord is a Jeff Hardy fan.

 

I don’t know whether I’m happy or upset that the cover isn’t a be-thonged backside.

 

I could be your angle or yuor devil.

 

Nice to see Old Scratch using public transportation.

 

Nothing would have been better.

 

How your e-mail finds me.

 

No, mom! Don’t come in here when we’re working on our music! No girls or goblins allowed!

Follow your nose to whatever this is.

 

Mother Earth has had enough and is ready to kick some ass.

Treif!

 

That’s why I say “Hey man, nice LiveJournal art!”

 

I didn’t know Brad Goodman put out an album.

 

Bringer of Demonic Opacity.

 

Doodles From Hell

 

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

 

I’ve seen The Mist. You, sir, are no The Mist.

 

Tool For a Toolboy

 

The Big Shitty

 

This is what you see when you enter The Metalverse.

 

I’m getting MySpace flashbacks. Someone put me in their Top 8.

 

So is the big bloody hand coming out of the building or….

 

This is such a strong metaphor it should be a meta-five.

 

 

Which font do you want to use?

Yes.

Well, okay. It’ll distract from the wobbly AI fretboard.

 

This must be an unreleased Margaret Keane painting.

 

The Lion, The Witch, And The What The Fuck?

 

Welcome to Des Moines.

 

To quote Nietzsche, “I’m not AI Edgar Allan Poe.”

 

Anyone else want to play a point-and-click adventure on MS-DOS?

 

I HATE THIS FUCKING GIMMICK. FUCK.

 

 

Cum 2 Brazil…or else!

 

You’re crazy. We get it. Join the club. Bring the nurse with you.

 

This is what happens to your body when you drink Ric Flair’s Woo Energy.

 

Pop goes the dweebsel.

 

It wouldn’t be a list without Ballsqueezer.

 

Getting some serious “2001 webcomic” vibes.

 

Suicide Puppers: Beyond The Photoshop Layers

 

I hate when I go into the dressing room at Kohl’s and there’s a rotting corpse already inside.

 

Pure, 100% uncut, “Ladies and Gentleman, step right up” metal

 

It’s 2023 and old guy metal bands are still complaining about vaccinations and lockdowns.

 

“Just walk away. Give me your pump, the oil, the gasoline, and the whole compound, and I’ll
spare your lives. Just walk away. I will give you safe passage in the wasteland.
Just walk away and there will be an end to the horror.”

 

Artwork conceived by Charlie Day.

 

Music for stoned people that watch Ancient Aliens on the History Channel at 3 in the morning.

 

“I frew up…”

 

This is a fetish thing, right?

 

Still searching for donuts after all these years.

 

Ushitquitous

 

Amazing. Hang it in the Louvre. Or the Hague.

 

Got any other favorites from 2023? Post them in the comments.

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